Aug & Sept 2022

Dear Rykelan,

This is another one of those months that I don’t think I would have told you about until you were an adult, if we ever talked about it at all.

This month hurt.

You started having more frequent visits with your mom, including your first overnight visits. The more you were gone, the more real it felt that you were truly going to leave.

Despite being told that we would get to be part of your life after you moved, I had this fear that as soon as you moved out, that would be it. You’d be gone.

Forever.

On your visits, we started to bring your toys, the dishes you used, the cold-weather clothes you wouldn’t be around with us to wear to your visits. We wanted you to have your things with you when you were gone. We wanted your momma Kenzie to have everything she’d need.

And the nights you were with us, we still read you stories. Hugged you extra tight. Tried to keep a brave face and hide the tears until you weren’t around.

The hardest part of the whole thing was how young you were. You’d only just turned two back in May. So young that I was afraid you’d forget all about us. That you’d grow up and never know how much your dad and I cherished you. How much love you’d brought into our lives.

It felt like agony to imagine you growing up with no memory of us.

I tried to find the silver lining, tried to tell myself how nice it would be to sleep in, but those were hollow victories.

On September 6, 2022, you left for a visit. We were supposed to have another week with you before the move was permanent, but your dad and I were exposed COVID for the very first time the following day.

We didn’t want to infect you, so that was it.

You weren’t coming back to see us anymore. I didn’t get a chance for a proper goodbye.

You were just… gone.

(Spoiler: you came back a couple months later, but there was no way to know that at the time.)

Miss you fiercely,

Mom

PS - I’ll add photos later <3