Oct & Nov 2022
Dear Rykelan,
After you moved out on September 6th, we didn’t see you or hear any updates for all of September.
We heard nothing in October.
I threw myself into writing my next book (a book that never came out — oops!). I focused on work. I tried to get used to no longer being a mom. Your dad and I decided to take a break from fostering. We even let our certification lapse. We still missed you too much to bring anyone else into our home.
Then on November 7th, we got a call.
They said your mom was struggling again. That you’d been staying with one of your aunts, but you needed to come back into foster care. They asked us if we’d take you.
There was no hesitation on our part.
Yes, yes, 100% yes.
We were told that we needed to be prepared to adopt you if we took you back into our home. The CPS worker said that in cases like yours, where biological parents lost custody so soon after regaining it, those parents rarely got custody again.
We were told to be certain.
We were.
The next day, November 8, 2022, you came back into our home.
Sweet boy, this is another one of the things I don’t think I would have told you if you were still here with us. You were so skinny. The first thing you wanted to do when you came home was to brush your teeth.
We had nothing of yours left. We’d sent all your toys and clothes, all your cups and plates and spoons, to your momma Kenzie. None of that came back with you. We took you to the store to get you new things. We cleaned you up. Got some food in you.
When you went to bed that night, I sobbed.
You were so different from the boy who’d left our home just a two months earlier. I’ll never know exactly what you experienced while you were away, but I know it left you changed.
I desperately wanted to erase that hurt for you.
All I could do was love you.
So I turned in a book without an ending, took everything I could off my calendar, and spent as much time as possible with you.
Knowing what I know now, I’m glad I gave you that time.
I wish I’d gotten to give you so much more.
Missing you always,
Mom
PS - photos coming later <3
